Sometimes it just sneaks up on me. Things are going along just fine, I had pie for breakfast (this should insure long term happiness, no?), took my new (free) bike to be fixed, went out to lunch with a friend but the next thing I know: I'm feeling kind of sad. Kind of lonely. And then I'm on the internet (which can be lonely, too) and somehow I'm listening to Elton John (who knows how that happened). Yes, things have gone from bad to worse.
I just want coming here to have been worth it. I want any growing pains that I experience here to teach me things, worthwhile things. And sometimes I think that that is happening. Other times I think that I have just sent myself far away from everyone I love for no reason. I have friends here now. They are nice. But I've only known them for a month and...it's not the same.
I want to be the kind of person who can make herself feel better. I do have strategies for this (mostly involving food and music) but sometimes they don't work. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't need other people to make her feel better. But maybe I shouldn't want that. Maybe that kind of person doesn't exist.
I'm going to go run errands and try to feel like a part of this place again. Yup. Oh, but tomorrow I'm going on a day trip to France and that's pretty cool. A day trip. To france.
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2 comentarios:
Dearest Gesse, I too have had moments like this. Sometimes you can't help but think you made things too hard on yourself, that this loneliness is totally self-imposed, a product of the idealism and naivite that comes with being 22. It's really sucky for lack of a better phrase. Anyway, we miss you too and home will be here when you get back.
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