The rain in spain falls mostly on...

me!

Yeah, we've had some serious weather lately. Sometimes it feels good in a "Wooooo, I'm going to let the wind carry me where it will! I am going to fly!" way. But, other times it's more like "Why am I so wet? Why is my umbrella so useless and inside out? Where is my cozy bed?!"

When not under climatic siege (or even in the midst of it), I've been thinking about language competency a lot lately. We use language to do so many different things, which for me, is a thrilling fact, on the one hand, but on the other, it is difficult to master all of these uses in a foreign tongue. I can get my point across in Spanish. This can be a concrete point, an abstract point, possibly even a sarcastic or metaphorical point. I can understand almost all of what is said to me, especially if it is said directly to me and if it is set in a contextual net, which provides me with clues about meaning. I can even eavesdrop with increasing (and exciting) skill. But, then, sometimes I open my mouth and come out with a hugely, obviously, incorrect grammatical construction. And at no point would anyone over the age of say, three, mistake me for a native speaker. My small talk powers (though expanding) are nowhere near my English abilities (in English I can pretty much just keep going and going, spurred on by my fierce fear of awkward silences). Maybe, it is good for me to learn to enjoy silences with acquaintances...to conceive of these as "companionable" instead of alarming. But, I feel like in Spanish my attempts at space filling can come of as jarring non-sequitors, I'm missing some fabric of connection that allows me to move from topic to topic.

I guess, the thing that is most disappointing for me in my use of Spanish is my inability to engage with the language on an aesthetic level in any satisfying way. My Spanish smacks of utility and often I can't stop to appreciate the beauty of other people's language (written or spoken), so desperate am I to understand what the hell they could possibly be saying. I've been reading in English a lot lately (novels that came to me in glorious christmas packages) and I am in a big writing down quotations phase. I pretty much refuse to read without a pen in hand. The things I am underlining, they are not necessarily summations of how life is, they are not pearls of wisdom, or jewels of truth, but they sound so good. That's what I want...their sounds. These phrases, sometimes trivial on a semantic level, they have a compactness, a concise easy rhythm that I want.

I've been thinking that maybe after I get back from Spain, I'll try to learn a different language for a bit. I mean, if achieving the quality that I wnat is this hard, maybe I should just go for quantity. Also, I'm just super jealous of all these European polyglots. Psh.

I especially like the line about the ants

NIGHT PICNIC

What is what, you ask?
So much is undefined.

Astronomical is a word that rhymes with gastronomical.
Language is often general in nature.

Is is a weak verb. What is an interrogative all by itself.
The trees are carved of wood. All their planks are tongue-in-groove.
Ants are just as happy someplace else tonight.

The moon is reflecting its better half.
Stars are not the dead brought back as stars.

This is the spread we promised you.
This is eating out.
This devil’s food is not half-bad.

Dew is beginning to settle on the grass,
but if it is okay with you, we suggest staying in the dark, even if it means
we must ask what is it
before and after every bite.
The stars are something else.
Which is to say, in the end, that we are what we’ve done,
that this drink is strong,
and we are feeling it.

-Kirk Lee Davis
(Diagram, Issue 7.6)